


Scenes from the Cutting Room Floor: Season Ten

by SupernaturalPrincess9



Series: Scenes From the Cutting Room Floor [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Love, M/M, Mark of Cain, Soulmates, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 20:57:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12176451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalPrincess9/pseuds/SupernaturalPrincess9
Summary: NOTE: This series stays 100% with canon events. If you haven't read the first 9 seasons, you may want to consider it as this work is really meant to be the scenes we didn't see in the show since the beginning of the series. Please feel free to leave comments - I love hearing from the people who choose to spend some of their time reading this work. Thank you for doing so!





	1. Black

**Author's Note:**

> A complete Wincestization of Supernatural's Season 10.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

To say Sam was desperate to find his brother would be an understatement. Desperation didn’t even begin to describe the turmoil within Sam. He was obsessed, frantic, frenetic, focused. 

Fucked. 

He was fucked.

Finding Dean consumed every minute of every day, from sun up to sun down and everything in between. Sam couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat; he couldn’t cry and he couldn’t scream. All he could do was stay resolute in his search for his brother.

_Sammy, let me go._

No way in hell was Sam just going to just let Dean go. He’d learned this particular lesson, more than once. They were no good apart; they would always belong together, no matter the circumstances. 

They were soulmates. 

They were forever.

_There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you._

Sam had tried everything he knew to do to find Crowley and his brother. He’d done things that under normal circumstances he would have never done. But it had always been true, that for Dean, he’d never had limits.

This time, he’d tortured demons in an inhumane way. 

He’d bothered Cas, when Cas clearly didn’t have even the energy to get out of bed, and he hadn’t cared a bit. 

He’d hurt people – more than one – as he raged across the country, trying like hell to find his brother.

Sam had looked and looked and then finally, he had caught a break. Surveillance footage of his brother defending himself in a convenience store. 

And then, an emotional Crowley who couldn’t stop bragging about his exploits with Demon Dean, talking long enough to allow Sam to trace their location.

Those black eyes. Sam’s heart sank when he saw what his brother had become. He knew deep down that it wouldn’t be a simple case of exorcism to free Dean; it would take a complete restoration of his humanity. It would take purified blood and it would take bringing his brother to the edge.

As Sam had told Crowley, he would save his brother or die trying. And that wouldn’t be for the first time. Or the last.

All of these thoughts and memories were spinning through Sam’s head when suddenly the car stopped working.

“It’s a kill switch, and this here’s the remote.”

Later.

“Who are you?” Sam looked around the shack desperately searching for a way out. He didn’t know who the man was, but he tried everything he could to find out. Sam tried to keep the man talking, he tried to make some kind of connection. 

There was none to be had. 

The man hated Dean and Sam was going to be his bait. But Dean wasn’t going to meet any of the man’s demands. When Dean just hung up after his life was threatened, Sam’s heart sunk; he knew then that Dean was probably lost to him forever and that he’d never get his brother back. No matter what else had happened in their lives, Dean’s undeniable need to keep Sam safe had been the one constant.

And now that was gone, too.

As Dean drove down the highway after hanging up on the man who had his brother, there was a tiny part of him screaming for him to call that man back and beg him to spare his brother; the Mark of Cain overrode his heart and Dean drove on.


	2. Reichenbach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

“Well, I’m not walking out that door with you.” Dean said. “I’m just not.”

Dean lifted his drink. “So what are you going to do, you gonna kill me?”

Sam shook his head. 

“No.” was his resolute reply. Sam’s eyes traveled over his brother’s face, looking for just one sign – anything – to show that the brother he adored was still in there.

“Why?” Dean said. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”

Sam didn’t want to even consider what his brother might have done under the Mark’s influence. He could think of so many horrible things. Then again, he’d done horrible things without the Mark, just in an effort to find his brother.

So there was that.

“I might have it coming.” Dean continued.

Sam gave a shake of his head as he began to walk toward Dean. 

“Well, I don’t care.” Sam said as he stepped closer. “Because you’re my brother and I’m here to take you home.”

Sam was earnest in his delivery, he was earnest in his intent. He was going to fix his brother. He wouldn’t let anything get in his way.

“Hmmmm.” Dean mused as he took another drink. Dean laughed as he said, “You’re my brother and I’m here to take you home. What is this a Lifetime movie? And your puppy dog eyes….” Dean laughed into his glass. “Thanks Sammy, I needed that.”

Sam took a breath and reached for the warded handcuffs in his pocket. 

And then all hell broke loose. 

When Sam came to, Dean was fighting the man who’d kidnapped him. Sam used the man as a distraction to holy water and then cuff his brother.

With Dean in the backseat of the Impala, Sam drove into the night.

_“And what I’m going to do to you, Sammy? Well, that ain’t gonna be mercy either.”_

Dean had said so many hurtful things over the years, but this was one of the worst. Even though Sam knew that it wasn’t really Dean – not really – just hearing those words chilled him to the bone. 

There was no love there, no compassion, no sense of family. Nothing of their shared history. It made Sam want to weep.

_”There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you._

Sam tried to remember better times; times when he and Dean were together, brothers and lovers. Sharing so many intimate moments. Fighting battles side by side. Sacrificing everything to stay together because they were everything to each other, in every way.

Soulmates.

“I know what you’re thinking, Sammy.” Dean whispered from the darkness in the back of the car.

Sam chanced a look in the rearview mirror. Dean’s eyes were as black as the night. Sam shivered but didn’t respond.

“You think you’re gonna cure me, Sammy? Drive the demon out of me so we can go back to the way we were?” Dean gave a soft chuckle. “Nah… that ain’t gonna be what happens little brother. You drive this demon out of me? I will still have the Mark of Cain… there ain’t no getting rid of that. When I said you should let me go, I meant it.”

“I don’t care what you say, Dean.” Sam said, he voice strong and sure. “We’re going to beat this thing together. Like we always do.”

“Oh yeah? Like we always do?” Dean barked out a laugh. “What about the last year, huh, little bro?” 

Dean waited for Sam to respond, but there was nothing.

“You spent the last year pushing me away. Until I was dying – again – in your arms.” Dean looked out the window. “At least the first time, I knew what I meant to you. The me that used to be? He hated you when he took his last breath.”

_I’m proud of us._

Sam knew that what this demonic version of his brother was saying wasn’t true. It’s couldn’t be. They’d been unkind. They’d been angry. They’d been furious and hurt, but they’d never, not once, hated each other.

Sam closed his eyes for just a moment. “I love you, Dean.”

Sam’s eyes filled with tears as Dean laughed at the sentiment. Sam blinked them away and refocused his attention on the road. He was going to fix this, even if it killed him.


	3. Soul Survivor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intermission segueing to postlude

“You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible?” Demon Dean asked. “Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you.”

Dean let that sink in. 

“Maybe I was just tired of babysitting you. Always having to yank your lame ass out of the fires. Forever. Or maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. It’s your very existence that sucked the light out of my life.” Dean sneered at Sam, daring him to deny it.

Sam steeled himself as he turned around. No matter how deep the words cut, no matter that to him, there was an element of truth in what the demon was saying, he would stay the course and cure his brother.

“This isn’t my brother talking.” Sam said with a forced smile.

_”Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever!_

“You never had a brother!” the thing that both was and was not his brother yelled. “Just an excuse for not manning up. But I quit.”

“No.” Sam pointed his finger at Dean. “You don’t get to quit in this family. This family is all we have ever had!”

Dean continued to argue with Sam until Sam couldn’t take it anymore. He angrily injected his brother with the purified blood and then turned and walked away.

Once outside the chamber, Sam stopped, closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. He took a deep breath and then started to shake. He was hurting his brother and his brother was hurting him in return. That’s the cycle they’d been trapped in since he’d come back from hell without his soul.

Tears rolled down Sam’s face as he tried to drive the words that… thing… had said to him from his mind. He wouldn’t listen to it. Even though there were probably elements of truth in what he was saying, Sam knew that the demon was twisting everything to make it ugly.

Sam had to stay strong, stay the course.

He’d keep trying to get his brother back, or die trying.

_… anything, past or present…_

Later.

Sam held the demon knife against his brother’s neck and Dean locked eyes with him as he said, “Do it.”

The hell of it was that Dean probably wanted Sam to do it, not to save Sam, but rather to save himself. This was new territory for them. The purification had driven out enough of the demon that Sam was faced off with an angry Dean more than anything else.

An angry Dean meant that if he could just continue the treatment, maybe he could have a loving Dean back. 

His brother.

_And what do you think my job is, Dean? Don’t you think I’d do the same for you?”_

Sam couldn’t do it – he couldn’t use the demon knife against his brother. He’d rather die than be the one to kill Dean.

It was only by chance that Cas had shown up just in time to subdue Dean before he could kill Sam. Because Dean? There was nothing stopping him from killing his brother. Not this time.

Later still.

“On the plus side, he’s hungry again, so I’m going to go pick him up a big bag of crap food and stuff it in his face myself.” Sam said to Cas with a relieved chuckle. “You mind keeping an eye?”

Cas nodded. “Yeah.” After a short pause he continued, “Sam, one problem is solved, but one still remains. Dean is no longer a demon, it’s true, but the Mark of Cain, that he still has and sooner or later that’s going to be an issue.”

Sam jumped in, “You know what Cas, I’m beat, man. One battle at a time, you know? So I’m just gonna go grab my brother some cholesterol. And then I’m going to get drunk.”

Sam jogged to the Impala and revved the engine. His brother was back. He was really, truly back. And if things went as planned, Sam would spend the night holding his brother in his arms.

Sitting at the main bunker table, Sam watched Dean finish his burger. Dean had his eyes closed and was savoring every bite.

“Mnhmmm” Dean grunted. “Shanks Sammy” 

Dean’s mouth was full and his smile was big and Sam’s heart was full. 

“You don’t have to thank me, Dean.” Sam whispered. He ached to touch Dean, but things were new all over again. Every time they were apart and then back together, the reunion was almost always one tentative step at a time. To be honest, Sam was never sure how far they would rekindle their relationship – would they just be devoted brothers or would they give into the passion all over again?

Dean swallowed his last bite and reached for Sam’s hand. Holding it firmly, he pulled Sam toward him. “C’mere, Sammy.”

Sam rose and went to the other side of the table, taking the seat next to Dean. Dean wrapped his arms around his brother and held him tight.

“You didn’t give up on me.” Dean whispered.

“Never.” Sam said into Dean’s neck.

Dean could feel Sam’s lips brushing his neck softly. He shivered.

This was his love.

This was his home.

“Sammy, I did things…” Dean started.

Sam pulled back and looked Dean in the eye. “I don’t care what you did, Dean. I just don’t. All I care about is that you’re here with me and that we’re together again. That’s it.”

“But I…” Dean closed his eyes, thinking about all the women, the people he killed, everything.

Sam leaned forward and pressed his lips against Dean’s. “Shut up.” 

Sam rose and grabbed Dean’s hand to pull him into a standing position. “I just want to go to sleep in each other’s arms. We can figure everything out later.”

Dean nodded. He knew what Sam was suggesting was an avoidance technique, but he could use that right now. 

“Ok, Sammy.”

For the first time in a long while, the brothers slept in peace.


	4. Paper Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

“Look, the whole idea behind laying low was to rest.” Sam said as Dean drove them away from Kate and the sister she’d had to kill. “To try and deal with everything we… everything you went through. Maybe we jumped back in too fast. You were a demon. You still have the Mark. Didn’t you ever want to talk about it?”

Sam so wanted to talk about it. 

He needed to talk about it. 

But Dean… he’d always been the taciturn one of the two of them. It had always driven Sam nuts, but right now he was just thankful that Dean was next to him to irritate him in this way.

“Talk about it?” Dean asked incredulously as he chanced a glance at Sam in the passenger seat. “Talk about it how?”

“Come on man…” Sam said. All these years, and Dean often still seemed surprised that Sam wanted to talk about things.

“I am comin’ on, Sam.” Dean said angrily. “Look. I know what happened, ok? I was there. Remember? I’m not trying to get by it. That’s not what this is about.”

“Then what is this about?” Sam asked, genuinely interested to understand Dean’s point. 

“It’s about getting back in the saddle. Doing something good. Not stewing in my own crap.” Dean didn’t look Sam’s way. He didn’t need to. 

He could imagine the look of intense concern on his brother’s face. He didn’t need to see it. He could feel the angst wafting in his direction constantly.

Sam nodded once. He understood – their work was a distraction. But he was concerned. “What if you’re not ready?”

Dean looked at Sam, unsure of how to respond, primarily because he didn’t know the answer himself. The ringing of his cell phone prevented him from having to lie.

Dean answered the phone on speaker so Sam could hear, too.

“Well, I’ll give you one thing. You’re pretty damn good at get-aways.” Dean said to Kate.

“Yeah.” Kate said. “I decided that living was better than being dead.”

“For what it’s worth,” Sam said, “Thank you. At the end of the day she was your sister.”

“No.” Kate said flatly. “She wasn’t.”

Sam looked at Dean, who looked away as he spoke. “Listen to me, Kate. Keep moving, keep your nose clean… we can stop meeting like this.”

“I hear ya. And I will. But I’m not gonna promise cuz…” Kate didn’t finish.

“Yeah.” Sam said softly.

“See you around, kid.” Dean said as a farewell.

“I sure as hell hope not.” Kate stated as she hung up the pay phone.

“Let’s say you’re right.” Dean restarted the conversation. 

“About what?” Sam asked, unsure as to what Dean was referring.

“Everything.” Dean said. “Maybe I’m not ready to hunt. But I am just trying to do the right thing, man. Cuz I’m so sick and tired of doing the wrong one.”

Sam looked at Dean, hoping he’d at least look at him. But Dean kept his gaze on the road ahead.

“Dean…” Sam tried to reengage.

Dean reached over and took Sam’s hand in his. “Sammy… can we not, just this once? Can we just be… no words, just us, Baby and the open road…”

Sam squeezed Dean’s hand. “Of course.”

Dean tugged on Sam’s hand, causing him to smile. This was the old standard between them – whenever Dean tugged Sam’s hand, Sam knew it meant that his brother wanted him by his side. One of the benefits of having a bench seat in the Impala. 

Sam slid across the seat and Dean wrapped his arm around him, pulling him close. Dean couldn’t always ask for what he needed, so when he let himself be vulnerable, Sam always did his best to give Dean everything he could.

Sam laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. He could smell Dean’s cologne and his natural musk. Nothing made him feel better than being close to his brother. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, relaxing into Dean. 

Dean could feel the softness of Sam’s hair on his neck. It was one of the sensations that brought him comfort over the years. Another was the feeling of Sam’s warmth against him. Dean always felt better when his brother’s energy mingled with his own.

“I missed you, Dean.” Sam whispered into the night.

Dean slid his fingers through Sam’s hair, smiling at the smoothness of his brother’s locks. “I’m sorry, Sammy.”

Dean was sorry for so much. 

He was sorry for the strife he’d caused between them. 

He was sorry for dying. 

Again. 

He was sorry for turning into a demon. 

And he was sorry for holding himself in check ever since Sam cured him. Dean held a lot of guilt, and he just couldn’t bring himself to initiate anything with Sam until he came to terms with everything that had happened in the last few months.

And then there was the Mark. And that was a whole other thing – and just one more good reason to keep some distance with Sam; they could be close, but maybe not as close as they once had. The Mark scared Dean and he didn’t want to endanger Sam.

Dean didn’t say any of this. Sometimes words weren’t what the brothers needed. It was the touch, the comfort of being together. Sam slid his hand over Dean’s thigh, resting it near his knee.

Dean turned his head and pressed his lips against Sam’s forehead, letting his lips linger for quite some time.

“Love you, Sammy.” Dean whispered.

Sam tightened his grip on Dean’s thigh as he closed his eyes to keep his tears from falling.

“Love you, Dean.” Sam whispered back. 

There was so much more he wanted to say, but this was one of those times in which words were unnecessary, so Sam settled in next to his brother and enjoyed the contact between them.

Dean couldn’t give Sam everything he knew he wanted, but he could give him some of what he needed. Above all though, Dean would do anything to protect his brother. He didn’t want to put him in the same position Kate had found herself.


	5. Fan Fiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

“You’re right Sammy. Out on the road. Just the two of us.” Dean said on the stage.

“Just the two of us, against the world.” Sam agreed from within the stage prop Baby.

“What she said.” The real Sam said from the side of the stage, hesitantly looking toward his brother.

Standing close to Sam as he watched the school’s production of Supernatural, Dean closed his eyes and gave a nod.

Later, driving away from the all-girls school, Dean took the Samulet replica and hung it from the rearview mirror. Sam looked at his brother and Dean met his eyes with a look of love before turning his attention back to the road.

Neither brother spoke for a while, the mile posts whipping by in the dark of the night as Dean expertly guided the car toward their next hunt. Eventually Dean broke the silence, because for once, he needed to talk.

“She told me I should never have thrown the amulet away.” Dean whispered into the darkness that surrounded them. “And she was right.”

_There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you.”_

Sam shrugged. It had hurt him when Dean had done that. Sam remembered how his heart had shattered into a million pieces as the amulet hit the bottom of the garbage can. Watching Dean walk away without so much as a glance back. It had horrified Sam to know that he’d destroyed the purity of the relationship he and Dean had once had.

But it wasn’t like he’d let it stand. 

Dean didn’t know it, but the amulet – the real one – was still with them. 

Sam wasn’t going to just leave that symbol of their love behind. So he’d grabbed it and swore to himself that he would find a way – eventually – to win back his brother’s love and restore the sanctity of their relationship.

It had taken a long time. It wasn’t until they’d made a promise to each other in the church when Sam nearly died closing the gates of hell that Sam felt he’d finally earned back his brother’s deepest devotion.

And then the heartbreak of Dean betraying him, tricking him into letting an angel possess him. 

The anger Sam had let come between them yet again before he’d lost his brother anew.

Well, those days were behind them. This was now and Sam was going to love his brother as best he could and he’d try like hell to make things right again, Mark of Cain or not.

“We don’t need something like the amulet to represent what we mean to each other, Dean.” Sam said from the passenger seat. And while that was true, deep down, for Sam, the amulet had always been his way of showing the world that Dean was his. 

Dean looked over at Sam, but his brother was looking out the window. Dean didn’t like it when Sam got lost in his thoughts, especially now since those thoughts very well could be about the Mark of Cain and what it was doing to Dean.

Dean pursed his lips and then spoke softly. “Maybe we don’t need one, Sammy, but it mattered to us – it represented us, and I was wrong when I threw it away. If I had it to do over again…”

And Dean meant that, with every fiber of his being. If he had it to do over, he would have forgiven Sam and worked hard to reestablish trust. Maybe then they could have avoided all of the anger, hurt, and despair of the last several years.

Sam turned and looked at Dean. “It’s ok, Dean. Water under the bridge.”

It wasn’t really water under the bridge, but Sam hoped that one day soon, it would be. He needed that deeper connection with Dean and as long as there were lies, half-truths, and anger in the construct of their relationship, it would be hard to leave the past behind.

Dean reached for Sam’s hand. “I know who I belong to, Sammy.”

Sam felt he stomach do a slow roll as he considered the words Dean offered to him in the darkness of the car. He wanted Dean to belong to him; he always felt as though he belonged to Dean. It touched him so much to hear Dean say those words after so long apart.

Sam held onto Dean’s hand tightly as he felt tears gather behind his eyes. “Same…”

They drove in silence, their hands as connected as their souls. Neither brother spoke because for once – just this once, as the replacement amulet dangling from the rearview mirror rocked with the bumps in the road – nothing more needed to be said.


	6. Ask Jeeves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

Sam and Dean drove away from the mess Bobby had left behind. They’d both found it surprising that Bobby had allowed a monster to live. That seemed a little radical for their dearly departed friend.

“Dean, what was that all about back there?” Sam asked.

Dean scoffed. “What are you talking about?”

Sam furrowed his brows, “I mean, all those extra shots after the shifter was already dead. What was that?”

Dean smirked a bit, “I don’t know… target practice?”

“Come on man, I’m serious.” Sam said resolutely. He knew that the Mark was affecting Dean. What he didn’t understand is why Dean would go to any length to pretend that it wasn’t. Sam just wanted to hear his brother admit that every day was a struggle. Maybe then Dean would let Sam bear part of the burden.

The brothers looked at one another and Dean said nothing.

“Are you sure it wasn’t, I don’t know, demon residue or something to do with the Mark, or…” Sam trailed off as Dean interrupted him.

“No.” Dean stated. “None of that.”

“Ok,” Sam said softly. “Look man, I gotta be honest…”

“Oh my god, Sammy. It’s… It’s my first kill since I’ve been… back.” Dean insisted. “I got a little anxious. Wanted to make sure it was done right. Plain and simple.” Dean paused. “Why am I even explaining this to you?”

Dean turned up the radio and the car was filled with Bob Seger singing Travelin’ Man.

Sam watched the countryside passing by as the moon cast shadows across the landscape. One song blended into another as the brothers were left with nothing but their own thoughts.

Sam wanted to understand what Dean was feeling, he wanted his brother to be honest. Dean wanted to be left alone because the more he felt the Mark pulling at him, the more he worried about hurting his brother.

His brother. The one person he never wanted to hurt, but somehow always found a way to. Dean blinked back tears as he thought about all the shit his brother had had to deal with over the years. 

Dean dying and going to hell because he’d traded his soul for Sammy’s life. 

Dean quitting hunting and leaving a soulless Sam to fend for himself. To be fair, Dean hadn’t known his brother was soulless, but still.

Dean disappearing into Purgatory and leaving a weak Sam behind, again to fend for himself.

Dean, tricking Sam into accepting angel possession and then lying about it.

Oh, the hits just rolled on.

Dean accepting the Mark of Cain without caring about the consequences.

Dean dying and becoming a demon…

Why Sam was even still by his side, Dean couldn’t imagine; but these thoughts were increasing the Mark’s effect on him. All this angst was accumulating deep inside of him.

Dean considered that he might need to burn off some energy, maybe get laid. Anything to release some of the tension that had been building up since Sam cured him, at least the demonic part. 

The Mark.

Dean was sure something bad was going to happen because of it. He just didn’t know what or when. But it terrified him more than he could even admit to himself.

Back to getting laid. 

Dean had been fighting so hard against reinitiating anything with Sam since he’d been back. They’d grown closer again, holding hands sometimes. Falling asleep in each other’s arms other times. 

Dean wanted Sam just as much as he always had but it seemed dangerous to try to reintroduce that element into their relationship when the Mark was always this big specter of doom on the horizon.

Dean sighed as he thought about how much they’d had to give up in their lives.

Dean’s sigh interrupted Sam’s thoughts and pulled him into the present.

“You ok, Dean?” Sam asked softly.

Dean’s smile was tight-lipped as he looked over at his brother. “Right as rain, Sammy.”

Sam huffed out a snort. He knew Dean was full of shit. He just didn’t know what to do about it.

“You don’t have to handle it all on your own, Dean.” Sam said, leaving the statement hanging in the quiet of the night. He knew that Dean always felt he had to in order to protect him, and no matter what he said to him, Dean wouldn’t let him in. Not until he had no other choice.

“There’s nothing to handle, Sammy. Like I said, right as rain.” Dean’s voice was rough and purposeful. Now wasn’t the time to have a deep conversation with Sam about his fears.

Sam shook his head and looked back out the window of the car. He wanted to go to Dean. He wanted to pull him close, take his pain – or at least share it. It was so hard being close to Dean but never getting to have him. As each day passed, it was clear to Sam that Dean was going to keep him at bay.

What used to be. What was. What they’d once shared. As far as Sam could tell, they would never have that level of closeness again. But as long as they were together, Sam knew he could find a way to be at peace with that.


	7. Girls, Girls, Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

Sam and Dean watched a defeated and confused Cole drive off into the night.

“Did he say where he was going?” Sam asked worriedly. He didn’t want Cole to be a long term problem for him or his brother.

“Home.” Dean said as he turned around to look at Sam. Sam looked pensive and worried and Dean wished that he could just pull him into a hug and keep him safe. But now wasn’t the time for that. He could feel the Mark pressing on him, itching; burning.

“Rowena?” Sam asked. There was always another thing – another monster – around the corner for them. Now they had a powerful witch running amok, and neither of them knew how or when they’d find her again.

“In the wind.” Dean responded tiredly. And he was tired. He was tired of pretending to be ok. He was tired of trying to resist the urges the Mark inspired in him. His whole life up to this point had made him nothing but tired.

“What you said earlier, back there. About being past saving.” Sam said anxiously. “Were you really…”

Sam wanted to hear the truth, but he knew Dean would minimize. It was his way, and Sam would have to read between the lines.

“I was just telling the guy what he needed to hear.” Dean interrupted Sam’s line of questioning.

The brothers looked at one another. Sam wanted to believe Dean as much as Dean wanted him to believe him; but they both knew a lie when they heard one. 

And Dean was lying.

“We better go.” Dean said as he turned and walked away. Sam hesitated before following his brother down the alley.

Once in the car, there was silence for a while. 

Dean let it be, not even breaking it with his beloved classic rock. Only the thunk thunk thunk of the wheels rolling over the spacers in the road permeated the oppressive silence in the car.

An hour passed. 

Then two.

Dean was starting to get physically tired. Sam dozing off in the passenger seat wasn’t helping to keep him alert either. Another twenty miles went by and then finally Dean saw a motel in the distance. He slowed the Impala and pulled into the lot.

Sam stirred and rubbed his eyes. “Where are we?”

“Motel,” Dean said as he jumped out of the car to secure them a room. 

Minutes later, Dean was back with a key. He moved the Impala to the end of the motel and parked it in front of their room. The boys grabbed their duffels and Dean led the way into the room, throwing his stuff on the bed closest to the door.

Sam passed by and put his duffel on the table near the second bed. He heard Dean go into the bathroom and the water running. Sam rubbed his hands over his face, trying to decide how to proceed. Should he ask Dean to share a bed with him or let him have the space he so clearly wanted?

Dean opened the door to the bathroom. “All yours.”

Sam walked by his brother and he could smell the mint of his toothpaste, which caused him to miss the lengthy make out sessions of their past. Dean had always been considerate, making sure his breath was clean and fresh when they made out, which may not be something most people would expect out of him.

Sam washed his face and brushed his teeth and then washed his hands after taking a leak. He looked at himself in the mirror. He was in his 30s now, less muscular than he’d been in his 20s, but saving the world from the Apocalypse can take a lot out of a guy. 

Sam could see the sadness behind his eyes. It was the kind of sadness he knew would never really go away. He sighed and closed his eyes. Something in his gut told him there was more sadness ahead. But for now, he needed to rest when he could.

Sam left the bathroom, fully expecting to go to his bed to sleep alone. He was surprised when he found Dean sitting up in his bed instead of already asleep.

Dean flipped the sheets down and patted the space next to him. He said nothing – not with words – but his action coupled with the desperate look on his face told Sam that his brother needed him. Sam slid in next to his brother and they snuggled down together.

Sam rolled onto his back and pulled Dean to him. Dean made a noise of contentment as Sam’s grip tightened, pressing him close.

“Thanks, Sammy.” Dean whispered against his brother’s naked chest.

Sam threaded his fingers through his brother’s and caressed his hand with his thumb. He said nothing, just showed Dean how much he loved him with small touches and his presence in his bed. It wasn’t long before Dean was asleep, Sam’s love keeping the bad dreams at bay.

It was a long time before Sam slept. And even then, he was restless and troubled. So it would be until they found a way to deal with the Mark of Cain.


	8. Hibbing 911

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

Sam and Dean loaded the trunk as they listened to Jody and Donna talk about the vampires they’d just killed.

“You good?” Sam asked Dean as Donna and Jody bonded over monsters.

“Yeah.” Dean said gruffly. “You know, for the first time since I’ve been back, I didn’t feel like the Mark was pushing me.”

Sam gave Dean a look of incredulity. “First time?”

Finally some truth out of the reserved brother Sam had loved for so long. Sam was surprised that Dean had admitted to any effects of the Mark; although, he must know that Sam could tell there was something and so denying it would be an exercise in futility. 

“All I know, back there, killing those vamps,” Dean said, “I felt like me again.”

Dean kept his energy up and the right tone in place as he blatantly lied to his brother, right to his face.

Sam nodded. “All right, so… that’s good, right?”

Dean watched his brother. Poor Sam, he wanted to hear that Dean was in control, that the Mark could be overridden. Well, Dean was prepared to give Sam what he needed.

At least verbally. Anything else would be dangerous.

So dangerous.

Dean nodded in return, giving Sam the hope he so desperately needed. “Yeah.”

“Ok.” Sam said, meeting Dean’s eyes. “Let’s go with that.”

Dean nodded and watched Sam walk to the front of the car. When Sam could no longer see him, Dean rubbed the Mark, which was burning furiously underneath his coat.

Dean hated lying to his brother. He really did. But he didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t possibly share what was happening to him – the need to kill, the burning of the Mark, the bad dreams – Sam knew none of it.

And if he did? Dean knew he’d never hear the end of it. The worried glances, the hovering, the desperation that would once again overtake their relationship.

Dean wasn’t having any of it.

Sam was glad for the distraction of Jody and Donna chatting in the backseat. Their chatter gave him time to think. He knew there was no way that Dean wasn’t being influenced by the Mark of Cain. 

No way.

What Sam didn’t understand was why Dean wouldn’t be honest with him.

Actually, he did understand. It wasn’t like they were good at this stuff. It wasn’t like they hadn’t tried to protect one another from reality again and again. The fact that it never ended up well hadn’t stopped them from doing the same thing over and over. 

As they said, doing the same thing but expecting a different result was the very definition of insanity. And for all they’d been through, Sam and Dean should both be in a padded cell.

Yet here they were, still trying to make it through each day leaving the world a better place than they’d found it, trying to keep the evil in the night away from the innocent people around them. 

“Oh yeah?” Donna said in the backseat. “Ya say dere are werewolves, too, now? Oh geez.”

Jody laughed. “Donna, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Dean looked over at Sam and they smiled at one another. They hated having to shatter the illusion of safety for yet another person, but Donna seemed like she’d be able to handle it.

Dean took his right hand off the steering wheel and placed it on the bench seat beside him.

Sam shifted in his seat so he’d be a little closer to his brother and then slid his hand over and took Dean’s in his. 

A connection reestablished between them.

Love. Strength. Family. All wrapped up into a relationship that no one else would understand.

It hadn’t escaped Jody’s attention that Dean only had one hand on the steering wheel. She had surreptitiously watched Sam changing position and figured he’d moved so they could hold hands up in the front seat. 

She smiled to herself as Donna continued to chat about monsters.

Maybe other people wouldn’t find comfort in the kind of relationship Sam and Dean had, but in the 4 years since she first found out about it, it was the one thing that kept her believing that they had a chance against all of the monsters that went bump in the night. 

If those two boys could find a way to stay together despite everything that tried to come between them, then she could handle her teenager, monsters and anything else life would throw her way.


	9. The Things We Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

Sam was seated in the Impala when he heard the commotion in the house behind him.

He jumped out of the car and ran toward the house, unaware that Cas and Claire were following him. His entire focus was on getting to Dean as quickly as possible. 

When Sam flung the front door open, all he saw was blood.

Everywhere. 

Sam’s eyes frantically searched the scene for his brother. With the amount of blood, Sam expected to find his brother dead or mortally wounded. No one could take on this many people and come out alive.

Finally, Sam’s eyes found Dean.

Dean was on his knees in the middle of the carnage, a dazed look on his face, but very much alive. Sam raced toward his brother and fell to his knees beside him. Sam grabbed his brother’s face.

“Dean… Dean….” Sam gasped. “Tell me you had to do this.”

Sam needed to hear that Dean hadn’t meant to slaughter people. They didn’t kill people. They hunted monsters…. Never this.

Dean said, “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to.”

Sam felt his heart rise to his throat as he was overwhelmed with fear. “No!” Sam shouted. “Tell me it was them or you!”

Sam held his brother’s face as he waited for him to respond. 

Cas, who was holding a stunned Claire against him, looked around at the carnage. He knew Dean didn’t have to do it – it was obvious. But Cas wasn’t about to interfere in the boys’ relationship, so he turned Claire around and led her out the door.

When Dean didn’t respond, Sam let his hands slide from his brother’s face in defeat. 

The Mark.

Sam knew it was winning.

And so did Dean.

“I’m sorry, Sammy.” Dean whispered as he closed his eyes against the pain of seeing what he’d done to those… people. People. Not monsters. Monstrous people, sure. 

But still people.

Sam blinked back tears as he wrapped his brother up in his arms. “It’s ok, Dean. Everything is going to be ok.”

Dean let the tears fall. They were hot on his cheeks as they cut a path through the blood on his face. Sam held his brother more tightly as the sobs came. 

“Cry it out, Dean.” Sam whispered. 

Sam was glad to see that his brother was still capable of feeling remorse. That gave him hope. As long as he had hope, his brother had a chance. Sam was never going to give up on hope and he would never give up on his brother.

When Dean’s sobs waned and his tears finally dried, Sam took his brother’s face in hands again as he looked deep into his eyes.

“Dean.” Sam’s face was full of empathy for his brother.

Dean looked into his brother’s eyes. All he saw there was love. And kindness. Everything he loved in this world. It both gave him strength and broke his heart all at the same time.

Sam leaned forward and placed a soft kiss next to Dean’s mouth. “I love you.”

Sam hoped that hearing the words would overpower the effects of the Mark on Dean. Sam, despite everything he’d seen and done, still believed in the power of love. 

The power of their love.

Dean shook his head and looked at the floor. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve the adoration of the best man he knew.

He wanted it.

He craved it.

But he didn’t deserve it.

Sam turned Dean’s face up so that they were looking at each other again.

Sam kissed Dean’s lips softly. Chastely. 

“I’m always going to love you, Dean.” Sam said as he pulled Dean to his feet along with him as he rose.

_There is nothing, past or present, I would put in front of you._

Dean gave Sam an intense look awash in emotion. “Same goes, little bro.”

Sam led Dean out of the house and toward the Impala. Cas and Claire were nowhere to be seen. Sam figured that Cas had hotwired a car or called for a cab; it didn’t matter right now. What did matter is that Dean needed to get somewhere quickly so he could clean up.

Sam grabbed a blanket out of the trunk and wrapped it around Dean. “Get in the passenger side, Dean.”

Dean followed his brother’s instructions and hunkered down as Sam slide in behind the wheel. They drove in silence, each with their own thoughts. An hour later, Sam pulled into a motel parking lot and got them a room.

Once inside, Sam led Dean to the bathroom, where he undressed him quickly and put him into a hot shower. Saying nothing, Sam joined him there and thoroughly washed his brother, wishing that the Mark of Cain would be so easily rinsed off.

Dean hadn’t said a word and Sam didn’t break the silence. He dried his brother and then handed him a shirt and some shorts, which Dean dutifully put on in the darkness of the room. When Dean finally laid down in his bed, he left space for Sam, which Sam immediately filled.

The brothers held each other all though the night, although neither of them really slept. Sam wondered when they might find some peace and then he realized that was something that neither of them would likely ever find.


	10. The Hunter Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude; description of sexual activity

Sam and Dean were in the bunker talking after Dean almost killed Metatron.

“So, I’ve been thinking. Look. Cain still has the Mark, right? And he’s lived with it. He’s lived with it for years.” Sam said, “So, the Mark is… strong… but Dean, maybe there’s a part of you that wants to give into it. And maybe you have to fight that you know, maybe part of that powerful force has to be you.”

Dean’s phone interrupted the intensity of what Sam was saying. It was Claire, asking for Dean to meet up with her the next day.

When Dean hung up with her, Sam tried to reengage him in the conversation.

Dean rose from the table and put his hands up. “Maybe you’re right, Sammy. Or maybe you’re not. We don’t know. It doesn’t matter though. This thing is on me. I don’t want it, but there it is. And as long as it’s on me, I won’t know peace, little brother.”

Dean started to walk away but Sam leaped up and grabbed his arm – the one without the Mark. “Dean…”

“Sam.” Dean said, keeping his face averted. “I’m trying to keep my shit together, man. I heard what you said, and I’ll try to be that force, ok? There’s nothing more I can do.”

Sam looked at his brother; really looked at him. He looked exhausted, scared; he was a shell of the man who had accepted the Mark without a pause. It hurt Sam to think of how much Dean had been through, not just in recent years, but really throughout his life.

Sam wanted to give Dean something; he wanted to do something that would help him handle the effects of the Mark or to just give him time to concentrate on something else. Sam realized what he really wanted to do was give Dean himself.

Sam pulled Dean to him and held him until he felt his brother relax in his arms. “I know. But maybe there’s something I can do for you, Dean.” 

Sam knew he was taking a chance. He knew that Dean might reject him, push him away. But ultimately, Sam decided it was worth the risk. They needed each other; of that, he was certain.

Sam took Dean’s hand and led him deeper into the bunker. 

Maybe it wasn’t the smart thing. 

Maybe it wasn’t the prudent thing, but Sam would do anything to help his brother, and he knew without a doubt that what his brother needed most right now was him. He could feel it deep in his bones.

Sam led Dean into his room. He pulled him close and kissed him deeply. 

Dean shivered and tried to push Sam away. Dean was afraid of what might happen if he allowed his passion for his brother to overwhelm him. Would it activate the Mark? Would he hurt his brother? He didn’t want to test it, but he found himself giving in to his brother’s demands.

Sam just pulled him closer. “Kiss me.” He whispered into Dean’s mouth.

Dean shuddered. “Sammy…”

“Please, Dean.” Sam begged as he kissed his brother’s neck.

Sam pulled Dean to his bed and they laid down together. Sam stroked his brother’s cheek with his hand and then reinitiated the kiss.

Dean let Sam’s love wash over him. He let himself trust in it.

It had been so long since they were last together this way.

So long.

The deeper the kiss became the more frantically they clutched at one another. Sam could feel how hard Dean was against him. It thrilled him to the core. He wanted to touch his brother, go down on him… feel him inside and out. 

But they had to take it slow. With all the time that had passed since the last time they were together, it would be dangerous for them to jump right back into what they’d once shared.

Sam grabbed his brother’s ass and pressed their pelvises together. 

Dean groaned as their hard cocks pressed against each other through the roughness of their jeans.

“Sammy…” Dean gasped.

Sam started a rhythm, grinding their bodies together. Dean let Sam set the pace, the motion, and the force behind how their pelvises met.

As Sam increased the speed and pressure, both brothers were moaning with need. Sam did his best to control himself, waiting for Dean to find his release. When Dean moaned Sam’s name as he came, Sam let his orgasm rush through him, shouting out his release as he felt Dean relax into his arms.

Dean was breathing heavily in Sam’s ear. It had been so long since he came with someone else. It felt so good to be connected to Sam in this way.

Sam kissed Dean softly. “You ok, Dean?”

Dean nodded as he moved to sit up. “Let’s get cleaned up, Sammy.”

Sam slid off the bed and began walking to his bathroom, assuming Dean would follow. He was dismayed when Dean left his room and went down the hall to his own room.

Sam blinked when he heard Dean’s door close forcefully. It was clear there would be no post-coital cuddling or any other kind of closeness tonight. Sam sighed softly as he used a wash cloth to clean himself up. Maybe he shouldn’t have initiated the contact between them. 

The Mark of Cain was strong and Sam didn’t know what to do to help his brother. It’d been a matter of trial and error to date and it was clear that wasn’t going to change any time soon.

Down the hall, Dean let silent tears slide down his face as the Mark of Cain came back to life, pushing at him, whispering things he didn’t want to consider. Dean’s eyes darted to his gun. If things got bad…

Dean wanted to scream when he realized that the gun would never provide a release from the Mark. No matter what he did, the Mark wouldn’t let him die.

Dean laid down in his bed and stared at the ceiling. The despair of knowing that there would never be any peace for him weighed heavily on him as he searched for sleep.


	11. There's No Place Like Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

Sam finished his conversation with Cas and looked over at Charlie as she entered the room. 

Charlie decided that she’d go after the Book of the Damned and left the brothers to themselves. “Arrividerci, bitches.” was the last thing she said as she left the bunker.

Even though Charlie forgave him, Dean didn’t forgive himself for beating Dark Charlie and hurting Good Charlie because of their psychic connection.

“You good?” Sam asked Dean, knowing the answer before Dean even said it.

“No.” Dean said flatly.

Sam fought off tears. “She’s right, Dean. You can do this.” Sam paused. “We can do this.”

“Then let’s get to work.” Dean said. 

Sam nodded and decided to leave Dean to himself for a while. Dean was distant, his attention focused inward. He was being far too hard on himself, but Sam didn’t know how to fix that, so for now, he was going to go back into the library of the bunker and look for some way to free his brother of his burden.

As Sam walked away, Dean looked at the hand he’d used to beat Charlie. His knuckles were bruised. If he closed his eyes, he could still see Charlie’s blood covering his hand. The truth was, he didn’t know what he was capable of anymore. 

He wondered if he could live up to the promise he’d just made his brother.

Things had been… weird… since the night they’d been together. They were both close and yet sometimes things felt like they’d never been further apart.

Dean had taken to hiding out in his room, spending all of his time researching the Mark of Cain and how it might be transferred or otherwise removed. Sam tried to draw him out, engage him, but Dean was afraid.

He was afraid of what he might do, of what he might not do, of what couldn’t be stopped. Everything was a jumble in his head all the time.

And the burn…. The Mark never let up. Always there, an irritant… a constant burn that was more than just skin deep.

Dean wondered if solitude was the best thing for him. He decided that maybe he needed his brother. So, one night, Dean went out in search of Sam. 

He found him in the main room of the bunker.

“Heya, Sammy.” Dean said as he took a seat across from Sam at the table.

Sam looked up at his brother. “Hey. How ya feelin’?”

Dean smiled at Sam for the first time in a long while. “No worse for wear, Sammy.”

Sam smiled sadly. “What can I do?”

Dean shook his head ruefully. “Nothing, Sammy. We both know this is up to me.”

Sam said nothing as he looked at his brother. He didn’t think that was entirely true; he thought he had a role in this whole thing, too, but Dean always felt everything was on him, and no matter how hard Sam tried to show or tell him otherwise, Dean never listened. So, Sam decided to move the conversation to a safer place.

“What brings you out of your room?” Sam asked with a tentative smile.

Dean swallowed and tried a smile on his face. “So, I was thinking. How ‘bout we go out and grab something to eat. Just get out for a bit?”

Sam looked at Dean in surprise. “I thought you were in Greta Garbo ‘I vanna be alone’ mode?”

Dean stood up and walked over to Sam, pulling him to his feet and then into a hug. As Sam wrapped his arms around Dean, he breathed his brother in. Their hugs were few and far between these days, so Sam let himself relish the closeness.

“What I need most right now, Sammy, is you.” Dean whispered into Sam’s neck.

Sam made a low growl in his throat. He needed Dean, too, but he didn’t really want to go out. What he wanted was to be with Dean here, like they used to be.

Sam pulled back a little bit and tilted Dean’s face up so he could look into his eyes. 

“Let’s stay in.” Sam murmured against Dean’s lips. “You’re what I need most now, too.”

Sam pressed his lips to Dean’s and let him choose whether or not to deepen it.

Dean lost himself in the sensation of Sam’s soft lips against his own. He slid his tongue forward and into his brother’s mouth, taking the kiss to another level. 

This man loved him, and Dean loved him in return. They’d lied about their feelings, they’d suppressed what they felt; they’d run away from this so many times.

Dean was tired of running.

“Make out session, Sammy.” Dean whispered as he pressed his hardening cock against his brother’s thigh.

Sam groaned into his brother’s mouth. “Yes, Dean… please…”

Dean broke their kiss, grabbed Sam’s hand and led him down the hall to his room. This time, Dean vowed they’d spend the night wrapped up in each other’s arms. He wouldn’t run away; he’d seek the comfort his soul was craving.

When Sam awoke in the morning, a half dressed Dean was in his arms and Sam had a smile on his face for the first time in a long while. Since Dean was still sleeping, Sam closed his eyes and held his brother tight.


	12. About a Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

Tina looked at her reflection in the window of the house. She explained to the brothers that being 14 again would be her second chance at doing things life. The failed marriages, the debt… she could start over, be smarter.

Dean understood Tina’s rationale more than he wanted to.

The brothers dropped Tina off at the bus terminal in the morning, and told her to stay safe. She promised them she would and set off on a new journey to reestablish her life.

Dean turned away from Tina. “So, grand coven. Any ideas?”

“Doesn’t sound good.” Sam stated emotionlessly. It was just another terrible addition to their already terrible lives.

“Sounds like an 80s hair metal band, ya know? A lot of hair spray, a lot of eye shadow, a lot of guitar.” Dean mimed some air guitar to drive the point home.

Sam regarded his brother in silence.

“Come on, nothing? I’m painting a word picture here.” Dean said, trying to distract Sam from asking about the Mark.

Mission not accomplished.

“Is it back?” Sam asked, already knowing the answer.

Dean looked down and rolled up his sleeve so that Sam could see the Mark for himself.

Sam drew his eyebrows together and fought back tears as he looked away.

“Look. I know what you’re gonna say, ok?” Dean said. “But you were in deep and…”

“I know, I know.” Sam put up his hands. “And you saved me. And you saved Tina and you pulled a Dean Winchester. Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Dean said confidently. He wouldn’t change a thing. Staying 14 would have been the easy way to get rid of the Mark, but knowing their luck, that would have caused something worse to happen.

“Look man, do I wish the Mark was gone? Yeah, of course. Absolutely I do. But, I wanted you back. And now here you are and you didn’t hulk out, so… I’ll take the win.” Sam said, nodding. “As for the rest of it. The Mark… everything else, we’ll figure it out. We always do.”

_I wanted you back._

Dean could hear the truth in the words Sam spoke and he was glad that his instinct had been right.

Dean smiled at his brother. “Damn right. Let’s get out of here.”

Dean took his place behind the steering wheel. He sighed in satisfaction and caressed the steering wheel with love.

“Ah. I’m back baby.”

When Dean started up the car, the radio was on a Taylor Swift song, “Shake It Off.”

Sam waited for Dean to change the station and was surprised when he didn’t make a move to do so. Sam was doubly surprised when his brother turned up the volume and sped off down the road, singing along to a… pop song.

Eventually Dean changed the radio station and turned down the volume.

“How ‘bout we stop in Salt Lake City, Sammy?” Dean suggested after they’d been driving for several hours. It was about half way between Oregon and the bunker. 

Sam nodded in agreement and stretched in the passenger seat. “Sounds good.”

They caught a late dinner at a diner about 30 miles outside of Ogden, Utah and then drove past Salt Lake City to find a less expensive motel off the interstate.

They went through their nightly ritual, both men deep in thought. Dean wanted to pull Sammy into his bed, and Sam wanted to go to Dean, but neither of them were certain what to do next.

Dean had used the bathroom first, so when Sam came out, Dean was in bed, reading a magazine someone had left behind. He didn’t look up immediately so Sam crossed the room and busied himself with his duffel, hoping that Dean would say something.

From his bed, Dean watched his brother. He wanted to reach out, to invite him over, but the words kept getting stuck in his throat. 

_I wanted you back._

When Sam had exhausted all of the straightening he could do in his duffel, he turned around and slid into his bed. 

“Good night, Dean.” Sam said softly as he turned out his bedside light.

 _”Ask me to come over there, please ask me over.”_ Dean thought to himself. Out loud he said, “Night, Sammy.”

Dean watched Sam settle in out of the corner of his eye and he wondered why he couldn’t bring himself to bridge the gap, when he needed his brother so much. 

Dean tried to read for a few more minutes and then finally, he gave up. He set the magazine to the side and reached over to turn out his light, hazarding a glance toward Sam. Sam’s eyes were closed and his breathing was even.

Asleep.

Dean let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He accepted that he’d be spending another night alone. It made him sad, but it made sense. He was a liability now and Sam couldn’t count on him the way he used to. It was better that his brother keep his distance, because it was pretty clear this Mark wasn’t going to end up with them driving off into the sunset together.

Dean started to fall asleep but was jostled awake when Sam slid into his bed and wrapped him up in his arms.

“Sammy.” Dean breathed out, his gratitude for the contact apparent.

“Don’t shut me out, Dean.” Sam whispered against his brother’s neck. “I need you now more than ever.”

Dean turned in Sam’s arms and held on tight. “Sorry, Sammy.”

Sam breathed in his brother’s scent. “Glad you’re not 14 anymore, Dean… otherwise, that would have been weird. Four years would be a long time to wait to hold you like this.”

Dean let out a soft chuckle. “Totally.”

Now that Sam was with him, Dean could feel the effects of the Mark waning. Finally, he could get some sleep. Sam, on the other hand, was awake long into the night, thinking about how easy it would have been for Dean to just stay 14 and the Mark would have been gone. 

But he couldn’t let people die. Not Dean Winchester. So they were right back where they started. Again.


	13. Halt and Catch Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Postlude

“Looks like Andrew wasn’t the only one who chose peace,” Sam said, his voice wavering with emotion. He felt like every conversation he had with Dean lately had so many layers and textures to it. Sometimes they were just talking, other times they were _talking_.

Dean glanced at his brother and said, “Yeah, looks like.”

Sam looked back at Andrew’s house, where his wife, Corey, was now making peace with Delilah. It was a tragic story and hopefully some good would come from it.

“Think I’m gonna follow his lead.” Dean said, grabbing Sam’s attention and pulling him out of his reverie. 

Sam regarded his brother and asked, “What do you mean?”

Dean turned and looked at Sam. “My peace is helping people. Working cases. That’s all I want to do.”

A silence fell between the brothers as they pondered what Dean had said. It was all Dean wanted to do; he just wondered if the Mark would let him stay the course or if it would destroy everything he loved and held dear. Some days, Dean wanted to just get whatever was going to happen over… and other days, he hoped he could hold off the inevitable forever.

“Is this about the Mark?” Sam asked quietly, breaking Dean’s thought pattern of endless emotional torment. 

“I’m done trying to find a cure, Sammy.” Dean said stoically as he held his brother’s gaze.

Sam couldn’t, or wouldn’t, accept what Dean was saying. “Dean, Cas is so close…”

“To what?” Dean asked. “We don’t even know if there is a cure. So far we’ve got nothing. We’ve found nothing in the Men of Letters library; Metatron may or may not know something… and maybe Cas is onto something with Cain.” Dean paused. “Maybe.”

“Yeah, maybe!” Sam interjected. “Nothing is guaranteed, Dean. So what? We can’t just stop fighting…”

“Yes we can.” Dean said forcefully.

Sam looked at his brother, his face a mix of concern, anxiety, and determination. “So this is it? You’re just gonna give up?”

“No.” Dean said, shaking his head. “No. I’m not just gonna give up.” After a pause, he continued. “I appreciate the effort, ok? I do. The answer is not out there. It’s with me. I need to be the one calling the shots here. I can’t keep waking up, every morning, with this false hope. I gotta know where I stand… otherwise, I’m gonna lose my freakin’ mind.”

Dean looked away, his eyes awash in unshed tears. Sam looked on silently, unsure of what to do next.

Dean finally looked back at Sam. “So, I’m gonna fight it. Til I can’t fight it anymore. And when all is said and done, I’ll go down swinging.”

Dean looked at his little brother, who hadn’t been little for a long, long time. He was a good man. He deserved more than Dean could give him. But for now, Dean was just thankful his brother was by his side. So he gave him a nod and put the car in gear and pulled away from the curb.

Sam considered what Dean had said. He thought his brother was strong enough. He never doubted him, ever. And now was no different than all the other times Dean had pulled a miracle out of his ass. Sam was positive Dean would find a way to life with this or together they’d find a cure.

Dean looked over at Sam. He knew what his brother was thinking. Sam had always idolized him; he thought Dean could do anything. Dean had never had as much faith in himself as Sam had. It both warmed his heart and scared him, in equal parts.

The trip from Spencer, Iowa back to the bunker was one of their shorter journeys, but after all of the emotion of the scene in front of Corey’s house, the drive felt like it was taking forever. Dean wanted to get out and burn off some energy and Sam just wanted to sleep.

Finally Sam shifted in his seat. He turned and leaned his head toward Dean. Dean looked over in surprise as Sam’s head found its way onto his lap.

“This ok?” Sam whispered from somewhere below the steering wheel.

As Dean felt a calm descend upon him, he smiled down at his brother. “It’s perfect, Sammy.”

Sam closed his eyes as Dean threaded his fingers through his hair.

Suddenly, the two remaining hours to the bunker seemed bearable.


End file.
